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How to Shit Good

How to Shit Good

+ Inside the Billionaire Bunkers

Salin Awad
February 26, 2024

In this issue:

PRESENT
-Billionaires Are Preparing for The Worst-
-How to Shit Good, with Japanese Design-

PAST
-Inspiration: Punk and Hardcore Posters-
-Link Hell-

“Every record has been destroyed or falsified, every book rewritten, every picture has been repainted, every statue and street building has been renamed, every date has been altered. And the process is continuing day by day and minute by minute. History has stopped. Nothing exists except an endless present in which the Party is always right.’”
— George Orwell

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V
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W
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D

✦Top Trends✦

▶️YouTube: US airman sets himself on fire outside Israel embassy

✖️X: Shane Gillis

🔎Google: ALS

👽Reddit: Paris prison cell

🕺🏼TikTok: The Beginning

🎵Spotify: Tomar El Mundo

Billionaire Trends

Inside the Billionaire Bunkers That’ll Outlast The 99%

A 400-square-foot Platinum Series modular steel bunker from Atlas Survival Shelters.

What’s gonna get humanity? Take a pick: nukes, crime epidemics, disease, comets, AI, climate change, power grid failures, world war.

Everybody thinks about this stuff these days, even billionaires. The only difference is that they have some very, very practical means to prepare for all of the above. And so, they are.

✦The Billy Bunker Trend✦

Late last year Mark Zuckerberg built a $100M Hawaii compound, with an alarmingly preparative bunker - worldwide shookness followed. What does Big Zuck know that we don’t?

Now, imagine if you were also a billionaire and you got the news that the Zuck just built this bunker. What would you do? You’d build a fucking bunker.

Since COVID, the ultra-rich have been buying bunkers like they’re twinks buying sneakers at ComplexCon. This preparation is signaling what’s considered a sound investment amongst the 1%, and which has resulted in a fire-hot trend.

THR conducted interviews with a handful of safety bunker developers, and most claim that these are being sold daily and worldwide.

✦Quirks & Features✦

According to THR, here’s what these people are buying:

Island fortresses that can withstand blasts one mile from ground zero.
Fully equipped with cars and planes without computer interfaces, an anti-EMP measure.
30-foot-deep lakes surrounding the bunkers, topped with a flammable liquid that can transform into a ring of fire around the fortresses.
Self-controlled water cannons that can take down parachuters, and Apache helicopters from 500 feet in the air.
Synthetic mountains for fortification.
Steel doors that can stop a 16-wheeler going 80 miles an hour.
Tunnel systems that route people to other, separate bunkers.
State-of-the-art medical facilities with full operating tables.

✦✦✦

King says:
“Imagine the pedophile sex dungeons down there.”

✦Mini Stories✦

-Retarded/Cracker/Gay, Darknet Adderall, Get Paid to Skip School-

🤬 “Retarded,” “cracker,” and “gay” were uttered on live TV, and people are very happy about this.

In 2019 Shane Gillis got removed from the SNL cast for calling Chinese people “chinks” on his podcast. Despite this, Shane has been doing pretty well. He’s an immensely popular podcaster, and his Netflix special is darn good.

Timing is everything: Shane’s popularity has been growing symmetrically with the anti-wokeness reform movement, and his appearance on mainstream media is seen as a nail in the coffin for woke media.

In an 8-minute cold open, Gillis ran a monologue about:

Down syndrome relatives.
How he looks like he has Down syndrome.
His black adopted nephews.
Making fun of his dad, who is in the crowd, for being a volunteer girl’s high-school basketball coach.
How he used to be his mom’s “gay best friend”.

Here’s the full monologue.

🥷Clumsy darknet criminals sold fake Adderall, and now they’re facing life.

Yes, “Professional Paper Filing Inc.” was not professionally filing papers. They were selling meth-laced addies, and they got caught.

Here’s how: The return address was directed to an uninvolved business. When they received packages of pills in the mail labeled “return to sender” they contacted the police.

For over a year, the FBI's been on these guys’ tails, watching them go from post office to post office, tracking them down across states. They even managed to at least 6 dark web drug marketplaces.

Cops got clever, ordering drugs undercover, tracing their cryptocurrency transactions, and piecing together their operations. They've got snapshots of these guys everywhere – in their cars, at post offices, even grabbing a bite at McDonald's.

Law enforcement found over 6 kilograms of these meth-laced pills. According to the trio's dark web vendor pages, they've sent out thousands of these fake drug orders all over the country.

Now, these guys are facing some serious time – potentially life in prison.

🤑 Skip college, get $100K.

Public opinion is shifting. More people are questioning the value of a college degree. And these days, American investors are generally cool with backing college dropouts. Some, like Peter Thiel, the legendary PayPal co-founder and investor, are even paying people to drop out.

Since 2010, Thiel's been giving $100,000 to young folks to drop out of college and start their own businesses or nonprofits. This is to disrupt higher education and to normalize the idea that it isn’t for everyone - especially not big thinkers and innovators.

Fast forward to today, and Thiel's fellowship is booming. Here are some famous “Thiel Fellows”:

Ethereum founder Vitalik Buterin.
Anti-age innovator Laura Deming.
Luminar Tech CEO Austin Russell.

Since its first fellows were chosen in 2011, Thiel’s program has backed 271 people. But it's not all roses: Thiel admits they've had some flops and learned the hard way that not every genius idea (like asteroid mining) is a goldmine.

Lone geniuses aren't always the best at building companies. It turns out, you need to play well with others and have a bit of emotional intelligence to make things happen. A bad apple doesn’t spoil the bunch though.

Architecture

In Japan, They Even Shit Better.

There are many reasons to hate public toilets; none of which apply to Japanese public toilets. They’re probably cleaner than anywhere you’ve ever shat in your life. It’s maybe even better than shitting at home.

For Japan, public restrooms are serious business. They’re seen as symbols of their world-famous hospitality culture. They’re clean, well-equipped, good-smelling, well-lit little sanctuaries for you to carry out whatever private needs you have.

Now, Japan is taking its public shitting culture to a new level. Shibuya’s public restrooms are undergoing a “facelift project” called Tokyo Toilet (sounds like a sick anime).

16 famous designers have been hired to redesign 17 public restrooms throughout Shibuya. It’s still a work in progress, but some of them are done.

Here’s 4 of them:

Shigeru Ban’s Transparent Toilet

Architect Shiru Ban created a bathroom whose walls are transparent when unoccupied, and foggy when occupied. It also serves as a lantern that illuminates the surrounding park at night.

Nao Tamura’s Safe Toilet

Designer Nao Tamura’s bathroom is what she calls a “safe space” that looks like origata, a traditional Japanese decorative wrapping. This motif is meant to embody the spirit of hospitality towards multinational visitors.

Fumihiko Maki’s Squid Toilet

Architect Fumihiko Maki’s restroom is placed right next to “Octopus Park”, which is why they’ve nicknamed it “Squid Toilet”. The park is a popular spot amongst kids and adults, so the facility is part rest-room, part pavilion.

Masamichi Katayama’s River Hut

Architect Masamichi Katayama wanted to create a contemporary edition of Japan’s oldest primitive toilets known as Kawaya, or river huts.

Katayama says: “The spaces between the walls lead users into three different areas designed for men, women, and everyone. The design creates a unique relationship in which users are invited to interact with the facility as if they are playing with a curious piece of playground equipment.”

✦✦✦

King says:
“Needs more... traces of heroin use.”

✦Quick hits✦

• Disney is outsourcing their physical entertainment (Blu-rays and DVDs) to Sony, making them a full streaming company.

• NASA is looking for people to test out its Mars simulator for a year, to better learn how human life on Mars would fare.

• Highsnobiety is opening its first-ever permanent concept store in Berlin next month. This flagship store is going to be a physical representation of Highsnobiety’s digital identity: curated fashion, print magazine launches, and parties.

• BuzzFeed sold Complex to Ntwrk for $108.6M, and will lay off 16% of the remaining workforce. BuzzFeed is selling at a loss here, as they acquired Complex for $198M in cash and $96M in equity.

• Reddit says “we’re in the early stages of monetizing our user base”. Meaning all that damn Reddit karma you’ve bunched up might actually be worth something, nerd.